Breakups are difficult, and we all go through a rollercoaster of emotions – sadness, anger, and regret. This is why it’s important to know how to handle the aftermath of a breakup. You can survive a breakup with these smart tips.

When you’ve just been through a painful, emotionally devastating breakup, you may feel worse than you ever have before.  Although popular romantic comedies would have us believe the breakup process is straightforward: You watch sad movies while crying over ice cream, and then voila! You are cured.  Now, you’re a different person, ready to take on the world. Unfortunately, reality can hit you hard and after you’ve hit rock bottom, it’s easy to fall into self-destructive patterns like withdrawing from social interactions, slacking off at work, and neglecting your needs.   

Avoid their social media accounts.  

Avoid the urge to go on a social media stalking binge while you’re missing your ex. It’s important to check in with yourself and think, “Am I being fair to myself right now?” before you scroll through their Instagram. You already know the answer. Whenever you feel the impulse arise, find an activity that will help you focus on the present moment. This could involve doing anything like giving someone a call, going on a run, or journaling. At first, redirecting your behavior away from self-destructive patterns will feel forced and difficult, but with practice, you’ll get better at it.

You shouldn’t waste your time trying to win back an ex.

Decades’ worth of Hollywood romantic comedies have wrongly taught us that any breakup calls for a grand gesture of love to try to mend fences and get back together. However, the reality isn’t like the movies.

If your ex-lover has asked for space, bringing a litter of pups dressed in “take me back” sashes won’t win them over. It is important for both of you to realize that desperation shows a lack of understanding of the problems behind the breakup.

Rebuild your self-esteem

If your ex-lover instigated the breakup, it’s natural for you to start over-analyzing your appearance and character quirks to figure out what went wrong. Flip that way of thinking around. Instead of dwelling on the things you lack. You should concentrate on the things you appreciate in yourself and contribute to the partnership. Make a list of all the qualities you bring to a relationship, including your character strengths, emotional fortitudes, skill sets, and abilities. If you can’t think of anything to write about, ask your loved ones why they are thankful to have you in their lives; they will gladly tell you.

Reconnect with friends and family.

Very often relationships take the focus off of your established relationships with your friends and family. This is the time to reconnect with those who love you and can support you during this difficult time. Take some time to discuss your situation with the people who are closest to you.  You should be open to feedback and able to hear things you might not like. Your friends and family can help you see things that were not going well in your relationship. 

Work on yourself and plan for the future.

Do a postmortem at the end of your relationship when you’re ready. Take an honest look at yourself and what worked and did not work in the relationship.   

Remember that therapist you’re seeing? Use this time to work on yourself so that you can have  better relationships in the future. No matter what kind of ex you had, the insight you gained from the relationship is valuable for your growth, for your future self, and for your future relationships.